I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.