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I wish they made helmets for livers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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