best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..