just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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