She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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