shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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