you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just invented taco cereal.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
