I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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