how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was CRYING into my vagina
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.