I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff