Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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