found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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