You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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