My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
