he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine