Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.