ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
...so i touched it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.