I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.