went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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