if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
