youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.