you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site