Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on