Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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