I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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