There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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