$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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