Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
