EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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