it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
