So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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