he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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