We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
