I am puke
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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