thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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