Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
