So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
