how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your dad touched me again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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