Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
