A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.