two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.