Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting