dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A+ Viking dick