if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.