New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back