Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize