hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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