i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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