OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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