dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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