I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
