do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
