I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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