if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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