Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
