Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
