he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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