Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
