Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize