Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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