While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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