it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo