I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf