he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.