I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?