Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My feet surprised me
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